‘Showing’ allows the reader to connect or engage with the character/s, giving the reader the ability to visualise the setting or situation, creating a more immersive, vivid experience, whereas ‘telling’ could be just an overview of the plot by describing to the reader what is happening. Sometimes ‘telling’ is no more than a simple chronological list of events – She did this, he did that, then, then, then…..
In its most basic form: ‘Showing illustrates, telling states’.
To ‘show’ rather than ‘tell’, a larger word count is often required, which is obviously a concern in flash fiction, however, it is an essential aspect of a story if it is to resonate with the reader or competition judge.
An example I often use when giving feedback on stories is:
Telling: Claire was blind and wanted to cross the road.
Showing: Tapping her white cane, Claire felt for the kerb.
It is also important to consider one of the other key aspects of flash – ‘Give the reader some intellectual credit’ which works hand-in-hand with ‘Show don’t tell’. I.e. allow the reader to realise what you are showing them, rather than feel the need to spoon-feed them the information (by telling).
How to ‘show’, not ‘tell’
- Consider a character description
Hopefully your character has a flaw, a trait, a physical anomaly, a strange job, are particularly good or bad at something or anything else that makes them different from the ‘norm’. Such characteristics can be used to create more in-depth, interesting character and it is in describing these where ‘showing’ can be effective.
For example in considering a man who is particularly tall, we could tell the reader ‘he was tall’, whereas we could instead show that he is tall by describing an activity which shows him being tall such as ducking under doorframes, standing at the back of group photos, people being annoyed when sitting behind him at the cinema, and so on.
The following extract is from a horror story I wrote within which I wanted to convey the low status of the character within the entertainment industry:
She entered the microclimate of the members only club, which, since the 1990s had allowed entry to anyone such was their desperation for patronage. The ‘members only’ tag was retained for an erroneous air of exclusivity. The carpet was damp and there was a thick smell of stale lager. Jackie’s poster was on the notice board, hanging at an angle, held in position by a single perilous pin. Alongside her poster was one advertising ‘Keith and his Organ’, and another for tomorrow’s entertainment – ‘Bingo with Fred’ who’s top prize was a not to be missed meat voucher. Both had four pins.
So as well as describing the venue to show her status, even within the modest venue she is of low billing, shown by the ‘single perilous pin’.
- Consider a setting or activity description
In ‘The Abys Within’ a horror anthology by Smashbear Publishing in 2020, my story ‘Dark Times’ centred on a dream sequence where only an alarm clock told of the character’s real or dream state, which only becomes apparent at the end. I use a ‘show’ by describing the colour of the alarm clock figures as ‘lime green’ when awake and ‘apple green’ when asleep. This is a very subtle ‘show’ and wouldn’t work for readers who skim text, but in flash fiction, every word counts.
In this second example, ‘Christmas Night’ which won the December BeaconLit competition in 2018 with the theme of ‘Not feeling festive Christmas story’. I could have written a ‘tell’:
It was the young boy’s bed time on Christmas eve, and he was excited.
However, to write a ‘show’ I said:
With his advent calendar now redundant, he was happy to be sent to bed.
This example shows it is Christmas eve, and that the child was young, without ‘telling’ either of these things.
- Use dialogue
Using dialogue is an easy way to ‘show’ because it is an actual act of the character, and not being narrated by the author. The speech could also be internal monologue of the characters thoughts. It is however crucial that the speech used is realistic and the written dialogue conforms to a particular publication’s rules. The next example uses dialogue to show the final reveal.
Title: The Package (runner up in the April 2017 txtlit competition)
Travelling from the east he arrived after dark. Sneaking into the building he placed the package for biggest impact. He left silently. “Fly Rudolf fly”.
- Use Figurative Language
These include metaphors or similes. The difference between these can be confusing but you don’t need to know the name of what you are using, they are just useful ways of describing people or a scene. For example:
‘A knight in shining armour.’ i.e. Someone who helps in an emergency.
‘A square peg in a round hole.’ i.e. A person in the wrong situation like a job.
‘He was as hard as nails’ i.e. He was emotionally strong.
But of course it will always be best and more fun to create your own, some examples below from Jeremy Clarkson the car journalist:
“The air-conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”
“That Zonda, It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”
- Consider the 5 Senses
Consider the scene, events or characters in your story related to how all five senses might reflect them. This can help get the descriptive juices flowing.
For example, what might they see? What might they taste (in the air, on a plate etc)? What might they feel (texture)? What might they hear? What might they smell?
If for example a character was at a friend’s house having a BBQ cooked by an incompetent chef, don’t tell us, describe it utilising the senses…
Maybe a cool acidic hit of wine, an overpowering smell of charcoal, charred meat with a residual hint of paraffin, the stinging of his eyes as the wind changed in his direction, and so on.
Fusilli Writing 